Why Your Character Didn't Get In Smash

Tomorrow is February 3, the day Corrin and Bayonetta finally come to Smash Bros...and some people are still salty over Bayonetta's inclusion.  One of the main arguments against Bayonetta that the haters use is that she's "too sexy" for Smash.  They do realize that this is a game where Palutena pole dances and Zero Suit Samus is able to crawl on her hands and knees, backwards, with her ass up in the air like she's ready to take something long and hard, right?  Bayonetta should be the least of their worries (ironically all three of these characters are "mothers" with their children being Pit, the Baby Metroid, and Cereza AKA Baby Bayo respectively).

The other main argument against Bayonetta is that the haters strongly believe that a different character should have won the Smash Ballot.  Because of this, I have taken upon myself to explain why the characters you haters were most vocal about could absolutely not have gotten in as a playable character.  NOTE: This list will mostly contain third-party characters with maybe one or two actual Nintendo characters.

1. Daisy - Starting off with one of Nintendo's own characters, the main reason she didn't get in (aside from the fact that there was more than enough Mario characters on the roster with fourteen) is because she's pretty much irrelevant in the Mario series.  Her only main appearance was Super Mario Land before she was regulated to spin-off games like the party games or kart racers.  Another reason for her exclusion is that she is not as popular as other Mario characters, especially in the States (this is mainly due to Double Dash where she would repeat the exact same line over and over again).  When it comes to Nintendo's own cast of characters, they have to be important or iconic enough to make it in and Daisy just doesn't make the cut.

2. Simon Belmont - Now I'll be honest; I have never played a Castlevania game and I really don't plan to (at least not the Classic series).  Despite that I wouldn't have minded if Simon had made it on the roster since the Castlevania series is so iconic.  The only reason he didn't make it though was because of Konami themselves.  We all know the shit Konami has been pulling in recent times and this might have played a factor in Smash getting no Konami rep at all.  Hell, Snake might have actually been set to come back from Brawl, but Sakurai decided to pull the plug because of Konami.  If a fifth Smash game gets made or if the Smash NX rumors are true and Konami gets their shit together, I wouldn't mind seeing Simon in Smash.  Although I would like to see them use his Castlevania Judgement design.  Never played that game, but I do like the designs of the characters.

3. Rayman - Much like how Konami fucked themselves over, Ubisoft is pretty much the reason Rayman didn't become playable.  Pretty much what happened was that Ubisoft more or less blamed Nintendo for not making them money on the Wii U even though Ubisoft's only Wii U exclusive was ZombiU, which was just a bad game overall.  Rayman Legends was originally going to be a Wii U exclusive, but because Ubisoft did not have enough faith (and a little bullying from Microsoft) the game was delayed so it could become multiplatform and many fans were upset by this since the Wii U version was technically done and ready for release.  Because of this betrayal to not only Nintendo, but the fans, Rayman lost whatever chance he had.  Ironically, Rayman Legends was published by Nintendo in Japan and that's pretty much why we got Rayman, Globox, and Barbara trophies in SSB4.

4. Shovel Knight - Where to begin with this one?  Well for one thing he's only had one game...that was multiplatform upon launch.  It hasn't built up a legacy like the other third-party series represented in the Smash series have.  Another thing is that Shovel Knight doesn't do anything new that hasn't been done before.  It is basically a copy & paste of old school NES games.  At least other indie titles that have come out did their own things when it came to gameplay.  Also, Shovel Knight getting an Amiibo meant absolutely nothing when it came to Smash, despite what people may have thought or still think.  It was only created to give the Wii U version of the game something exclusive since the PS4 version had a fight against Kratos and the Xbone version had a fight against the Battletoads.

5. Banjo-Kazooie - This has to be the stupidest request I've heard for Smash.  You want to know why?  Because Banjo-Kazooie is owned by Microsoft.  Asking for them is like asking for Master Chief and you know he would never get into Smash because he's a Microsoft character.  Even if Banjo-Kazooie remained as a third-party series, they still wouldn't get in because the series is nowhere near the level that other third-party series like Sonic the Hedgehog, Metal Gear, or Pac-Man have. There are other third-party series that deserve to represented in Smash long before Banjo-Kazooie does, like the aforementioned Castlvania series, the Tales of series, or even the Resident Evil series.  Plus, the games are pretty boring, with the first two being nothing more than Mario 64 clones...and not very good ones at that.  If I'm going to play a collect-a-thon game, I'm going to play Mario 64 or Donkey Kong 64 where I actually have do stuff to earn what I am collecting.

I guess that's pretty much it.  I know other characters like King K. Rool, Isaac, and Shantae were also high up on people's lists and  could have mentioned them in my list, but unlike the characters I explained about above, these three had an actual chance of getting in Smash (K. Rool and Isaac being actual Nintendo characters and Shantae building up a reputation on Nintendo handhelds since 2002).